The Stiff (1975)

A one act, my best dark comedy, I think.

The Stiff

a farce in one act

by Charles Deemer

THE CAST (4M, 2W):

President John Jones, the leader of the people

Mrs. Eunice Jones, his wife

Chi Chi, his mistress

Neck, the mortician

Charles, his assistant

Dr. Alberts, the doctor

THE TIME:

Any time

THE PLACE:

A back room in the Public Hall in a foreign country.

THE SET:

Upstage center is a table on which is a casket. A window, upstage left, looks out upon the square. Entrance into the room is stage right. Modest furnishings: this is the room in which the corpses of public figures are kept before being put on display to the people.

(AT RISE: DR. ALBERTS has his back to the audience, inspecting a body in the casket. Waiting expectantly are MRS. JONES, NECK and CHARLES. Mrs. Jones, who is in mourning, is dressed in black. She holds a black lace handkerchief over her sobs. The doctor turns and moves away from the casket.)

NECK: Well, doctor?

DR. ALBERTS: Your suspicions are correct. I find the organ to be tumescent.

(Mrs. Jones breaks into tears.)

CHARLES: Please, Mrs. Jones.

MRS. JONES: (struggling) It's sca— ... scan— ... it's scanda—

CHARLES: Now, now.

NECK: Perhaps you could give her something.

DR. ALBERTS: Comes, Mrs. Jones. You must try to relax.

(The doctor and Mrs. Jones start out.)

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